The Whole Person

I had an absolutely delightful weekend and beginning of the week with some visiting friends. It was a mini reunion of sorts and so fun to consider our past memories together, catch up the new editions to our group on some things, and even more enjoyable was to learn the now that we are each experiencing. There is something so special about a concentrated time together. You want to soak up every minute and it is not so much about doing all the things, but just being together. You realize the preciousness (especially when you live on opposite ends of the country) of your time together and with this particular group of dear friends, there’s the love and rapport that led us to such deep, healing and exploring conversations. As a lover of quality time well, it was amazing to say the least!

Whether it was a theme or not, something that stuck out to me throughout all our conversations was how easy it can be to think that you are alone in your experiences and that no one else will understand your thoughts or what you are going through. We see each other living lives - whether through social media, quick text or phone conversations, updates from mutual friends, etc. - and we draw conclusions of where they are at, how they must be feeling, and even the kind of person they are. Because we don’t know, out view of them may be uplifted in a way that causes us to put ourselves down. And that thought - thinking highly of them and lowly of ourselves - can be so fleeting that we don’t even notice it. But it impacts how we are, and if these thoughts continue, we begin to feel lesser around people of similar situations, further engraining this reaction in our psyche and little by little, our confidence diminishes all because there wasn’t the time, or it isn’t so much in our culture anymore to spend face to face time together.

Our assumptions can quickly become louder then the reality of their lives.

And I think all this stems from where we already are when we’re drawing those conclusions. If we’re tired from a long day and we take a moment to ourselves to veg and choose to scroll on social media? We might not be in the best frame of mind to see everyone’s accolades all right after each other. Feeling pumped after a good workout or a victory at work or school? If we choose to hop on our phones, we may not be as negatively affected by what we see. But if things are going well, I think we might be more likely to call a friend or go hang out with some friends. With this, there is a face-to-face connection, there’s time to talk more deeply than an Instagram comment, there’s time to ask questions, and there’s time to see the whole person instead of just a few, filtered minutes of their life.

Maybe that is what I’m getting at here. This weekend, we had concentrated time where we got glimpses of the whole person and picture. I got a glimpse of myself. I shared some things I’ve never shared before. I was cherished through their responses of listening, of no judgement being made, and of understanding. Even though our lives look so very different outwardly, there was still understanding. It is possible. And I got glimpses of their whole person, of their lives as a whole, and how they’re working through this and that, challenged by this or that, hoping and dreaming for this and that. And it was just so…filling!

So maybe this weekend, this summer - whatever is in your capacity. Consider your people. Consider how to get some “whole person” time (Can I coin that phrase now?). Maybe in that flashing moment between picking up your kids at their friends house, or running into a friend at the grocery store, or a passing hi to someone at church, pause and take an extra second. Sometimes a hand on the shoulder, or a genuine “how are you?” or a (again, genuine) “Can we grab coffee some time this month?” can mean so much and is just the beginning to more. Be intentional - that’s a phrase tossed around so much that I think we’ve become dull to it. But I think this is one way to be intentional. Consider your people. Consider who you’d like to reach out to. This consideration opens our eyes and helps us to see the opportunities in front of us. And if you’re scared or a second-guesser like me, you might see the opportunities and not take them. That’s okay! Seeing is the beginning. Sometimes when you see it enough times, that gives you the guts to act on it. You may fumble a bit, there may be some ghosting (or some legit cancellations), but it is all worth it. It’s always worth it to get some face-to-face, whole person time.